It was quite unexpected when I found myself lying to my wife. I am not in the habit of lying to my wife. As a matter of fact, I try to be as truthful as possible. I believe trust is something that is built and is foundational for a strong marriage.
It happened all of a sudden. My mind went from one thought to another and I was immediately deep in thought. My wife noticed and made a comment to the effect of, “I see you are deep in thought, what are you thinking about.”
Let me interject what was happening in my head. At this point in time I had been thinking about a text message I had received fairly recently that afternoon from someone I barely know. In the text I was cursed and cussed at without any rhyme or reason (I still don’t know).
In the moment I didn’t feel like getting into a discussion about it. I felt like if I said I didn’t want to talk about what I was thinking about, it wouldn’t go well for me, so I said, “Nothing.”
The typical “nothing,” which is fairly accurate in many situations, wasn’t true. My wife then asked something like, “It definitely looks like you were deep in thought, are you sure you were not thinking about anything?” To which I replied, “I don’t remember” (a lie).
As the words came out of my mouth I couldn’t believe I said them. That isn’t something I say. I have a pretty good memory and lying isn’t something I do. Several moments later I then said, “I think I recall what I was thinking” (another lie). I then explained what I had been thinking about (the truth this time).
So here is where the God part comes in, conviction. As I lay in bed, taking a nap before work, I couldn’t get the yucky feeling out of my stomach. I felt twisted inside. I felt like I was living with a lie, probably because I was. King David in the bible describes it pretty well:
How blessed is he
whose transgression is forgiven,
Whose sin is covered!
How blessed is the man
to whom the Lord does not impute iniquity,
And in whose spirit there is no deceit!
When I kept silent about my sin,
my body wasted away
Through my groaning all day long.
For day and night Your hand was heavy upon me;
My vitality was drained away as with the fever heat of summer.
I acknowledged my sin to You,
And my iniquity I did not hide;
I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord”;
And You forgave the guilt of my sin. – Psalm 32:1-5
What is a person to do in this situation? My best bet was to apologize about lying so that is what I did. I didn’t make excuses; I just apologized. As it turns out my wife is a great forgiver. My wife is amazing!
God cares about me having a strong relationship with my wife. He didn’t want a lie, regardless of the “size,” to weaken our relationship. He brought conviction of sin in my life that had begun to separate my wife and I. God did it because He loves us and wants reconciliation.
If I hadn’t responded to the conviction it may have gone away, but at what cost. I encourage you that if you are feeling or have felt conviction about something make it right. It may not always be easy and there may be consequences, but it is worth it.
Thanks for reading and be blessed! If you get knocked down, get back up again!